Private or not?

So now that I'm done with Kevin and his crazy (or not-so-crazy?) ex, I'm thinking about making my blog public again. I have nothing to hide and can't stand the fact that people have to log in to read my stuff. Any opinions?

The vegan chocolate cake I made:

I'm still feeling really yucky so I didn't want to spend a lot of time on it. Hence the scary writing - I used white frosting that came from a can and it was very difficult to control.

Tonight I'm going to a baseball game with some colleagues. We buy these expensive tickets that include all you can eat food and drink and we sit in a special area where we can see all the action. I'm looking forward to it. Only thing is I won't be drinking, but that's okay. I don't need alcohol to have fun!

And tomorrow, of course, is Jen's wedding. Bummer that I won't be able to sing and yell and drink with all my girls (because I might die), but I think I will pin-number people into giving me hugs. ;)

Oh, and this whole illness thing has destroyed my appetite. Right now I can't stand the thought of eating dessert, and that's really crazy because I love dessert. I was feeling skinny yesterday so I tried on some shorts that were too tight at the beginning of the summer - they fit perfectly now. :)

Speaking of clothes, when Kevin and I started going out I bought some really cute "going-out" clothes. I'm sad that I don't have anyone to wear them for anymore! There's no way I'm going out alone wearing something skimpy.

Ok, that's all for today. Toodles!

Better...

Today is better. I was hurting pretty badly last night but I called my parents, my sister, and my brother and immersed myself in a book. Okay, probably the worst book to read in this situation - about a couple of teenage girls with self-destructive behavior, being with all the wrong sorts of men, but still, a book that kept my mind off Kevin and all his lies.

I'm sick, too. I have a nasty cold and stayed home from work. Me + book + Kitty and NyQuil.. made my day go by quickly. I also went to Trader Joe's for some high-end junk food - frozen pizza, frozen chicken burritos, yummy bread, and canned organic soup. (I consider anything not made with my own hands junk food.)

Tonight I have to make a vegan cake for my coworker, Becky.

I'm serious this time

Okay, Kevin and I are REALLY over. Really, really over.

His roommate, ex B, made her myspace page open to the public and I happened to look at it today. Yup, turns out she and Kevin are "in a relationship" and they just had a baby a month ago.

I can't believe it. We were together for two months and his girlfriend was having a baby during that time. And he's out every night having fun, hooking up with me, etc., while she's at home with the baby. To me that just clarifies what kind of person he really is.

Plus he lied to me this whole time. I could never trust anyone like that. Never, never, ever.

I'm doing surprisingly well. I think I got all the grief out of my system sunday and monday, so today I'm just chillin. I'm more in shock and disbelief than anything.

The optimist in me says, "well hey, not everyone gets to experience dating a liar in their lifetime. You can learn something from this." So yeah, this was my opportunity. I think I have learned from this experience and it will help guide me in making the right decisions in the future.

So it looks like my last few months in Madison will be stress-free. No boyfriend to deal with, no crazy ex-girlfriends, no strange living situations. I am just going to have fun.

Skit

Today is a big day at work. We have our annual Brat Fry, a picnic with brats, burgers, salads, etc. I volunteered to be a greeter for the picnic, which means I get to socialize with people while they're standing in line. I love talking to people.

Then there's a length of service awards ceremony to honor all the weirdos that have been here for 40 years (no joke). We're erecting a new building, so today will be the ground breaking ceremony. And in honor of that, the public affairs department is going to have a skit.

One year for our Christmas party I dressed up like the Director, Chris Risbrudt. As an avid hunter, he wears outdoorsy-type clothing. I had on a flannel shirt, wig, and mustache. Well, I had to go through my closet this morning and find that costume, because today the Director is back!



The skit involves four contractors with broken tools. Four lab scientists use their expertise to help them build better shovels. For example:

Contractor: My shovel is the strongest shovel known to man! But I'll never make our digging deadline... my nano-shovel is way too small! (shows tiny shovel)

Scientist: This shovel may be small, but we can put its nano-particles to good use! A nanometer is 80,000 times thinner than a human hair, but stronger than Will Kinney and Bob Ramos [two buff dudes] put together!

Today's Lunch:
Something from the Brat Fry. Probably a brat with salad, soda, chips, and fruit. Yum!

Latest Peace Corps news

Woot! I spoke to my placement officer, the powerful person in DC who gets to look at the different Peace Corps programs and pick one that's good for me. They've "identified a new program for me in the same Assignment Area of Forestry Extension in French-speaking Africa that is scheduled for an early January 2008 departure." Apparently the old program (leaving in November) wasn't on "their list," whatever that means.

That means I can live in Madison until Thanksgiving or so, spend the holidays with my family, and then be off to Africa. I think this is even better than leaving in November.

Emotional rollercoaster has finally ended

Sheesh.

I'm sorry I've been such a psycho weirdo lately. I've just had a hard time with the whole Kevin thing and needed to vent. Thanks for your help and support and kind words.

We worked things out (again) last night. He was like, "so everything is fine now, but tomorrow you'll be mad at me." Ha ha. Actually, today I'm NOT mad and confused. Not yet, anyway. But don't worry, the day is still young!

In other news.. my Peace Corps Placement Officer for the Africa region has been playing phone tag with me. Hopefully we'll get to talk soon. She wants to discuss placement options for me.. Yay! I can't wait to speak to her. Maybe I'll call her now.

Oh, and another thing. Mondays are my weigh-in day for this health group I'm involved in at work. I didn't weigh myself last week because I took the day off sick. But this week I weighed myself and I've lost 10 pounds since I moved back to Madison this summer. Hurray!

Today's Lunch:
Leftover organic whole wheat mac & cheese (tasted like cardboard)
Apple

More crap

Yes, more crap. It's on my mind and I need to get it off my chest.

So it's 2:30 and I still haven't seen Kevin's apartment. I'm starting to become suspicious. A half hour ago I sent him a text message reminding him that I still need to see his place for us to be okay. He told me I couldn't because ex B was home - when does this chick work?? I was talking to a couple of my coworkers about the whole situation, and they suggested contacting his current roomie (ex B) to confirm their relationship status (or lack thereof).

I found her on myspace and sent her a very polite message inquiring about her and Kevin's status. I hope I did the right thing. I hope she responds soon. I keep imagining them having some kind of argument right now as I write this, her asking about my message and him saying, "oh, she's just some crazy girl who is interested in me, don't worry, you're the only one." Argh! I'm going nuts!

About this whole thing.. maybe he's really playing me and these holes in his story that keep getting filled in will just lead to more holes that he will keep filling in and I will never know the real truth. I have never had a trust problem but with this guy there's definitely some issues.

Deep breath, Crystal. Deep breath.

The whole messy situation...

More info than you've ever wanted!

1:50 am, saturday night: After a wonderful evening of talking, laughing, and dancing, Kevin and I are standing outside of a bar. Some girl runs up to us and begins yelling about him being a big liar and living with another woman. It's his crazy ex, whom we'll call "A."

2:30 am: Kevin shares with me some of her text messages which read, "my boyfriend's out of town for the weekend. You should come over so we can talk." He shows me his responses, which are along the lines of "leave me alone." However, he finally confesses that he's sharing an apartment with a different ex, "B." This is the person A was talking about. They signed a lease together and things didn't work out between them. They couldn't get out of the lease so they decided to be flatmates and agreed to not bring over anyone they're romantically involved with.

5:00 am: After a huge discussion about this matter, I finally go to bed.

9:00 am, sunday: I wake up.

10:00 am: I stop by work to grab something. I check my email. There's a notice that someone sent me a message on myspace. I recognize the username as Kevin's ex girlfriend, A. I read the message, and it's really awful. She says a lot of nasty things about Kevin but after reading her messages from saturday I don't really believe her. Except for the part about him living with his ex. I need to see his apartment just to know for sure that he and his ex are simply flatmates and nothing more.

11:00 am: After a lot of thinking, I send Kevin a text message saying we need to talk about things again. He calls me, but unfortunately, I have to volunteer at the homeless shelter until 4:00 so I can't talk at the time. He tells me Ex A sent an email to all their mutual friends about what a ______ I am (fill in the blank), using excerpts from my blog to make me look especially bad. We decide it's good if I don't know what she said about me so I'll just leave that part to your imagination!

5:30 pm: I call Kevin. I give him an ultimatum - either show me your apartment or we're finished. He says, "I can't." I take that to mean he won't show me his apartment, ever. He says he needs to get off the phone because he's upset, but will call back later.

7:00 pm: He hasn't called back yet. Am I going to see his place or is he just going to give up on me? I'm miserable. My heart is racing, I'm sweating, and there's a perpetual lump in my throat. I feel like I need to leave my apartment and get some fresh air. I take a walk (though I was doing more staggering than walking). Seeing things that remind me of Kevin result in me suddenly breaking into sobs. I have a feeling anyone who saw me probably thought I was crazy!

8:00 pm: The walk really did make me feel better. I start to realize that we had a good thing but it's over. I'm almost done feeling sorry for myself.

8:45 pm: I think it's probably good to make my blog private, or at least get rid of the old posts. I go to work and update my blog and facebook page. I write Kevin a huge "closing words" letter, telling him how much I love him and how I'm sad it's over but I would never do what his ex did to him.

9:45 pm: I force myself to leave the office and go home to watch Sex and the City. That show always cheers me up.

10:05 pm: At home, I see 3 missed calls and 3 new text messages on my cell phone. I had forgotten to take it to the office. They were all from Kevin, and the messages give me the impression he's as miserable as me.

10:15 pm: We finally talk. We work it out. He tells me I will see his apartment tomorrow (today) while his roommate is at work.

11:45 pm: I finally go to bed.

Hurray!

Whew! Kevin and I worked things out. We just had a little misunderstanding last night.

The thing is, his ex-girlfriend is trying to break us up. She sent me a message describing all sorts of terrible things about Kevin and tried to convince me he is still living with his other ex. She then proceeded to send Kevin and all their mutual friends an email making me out to look like a psycho, using excerpts from my blog to prove her point. All I can say is I'm really hurt about all this, and fortunately Kevin and I were able to work past this. She actually succeeded in breaking up his last relationship.

Alive and kicking

Previous postings of my blog had to be removed from the web due to extenuating circumstances. For those who read my old posts, I thank you for your attention and support and hope you will enjoy my future posts.

Kevin and I broke up. I don't want to get into details, but I just want to express my overwhelming sadness about the situation. He was really special to me and I appreciate the time we spent together, however, it just didn't work out.

Well, it's time to start something new. I received my Peace Corps medical clearance friday, so that gives me something to be excited about.

Photo blogging - my walk to work

These are photos of my morning commute to work.

The alley behind my house - today is trash day.


My beautiful, shaded street.


Now on Monroe Street for 1 block. Monroe Street, in my humble opinion, is one of the nicest shopping and dining areas in town.

I love gazing at the clothing in these store windows:

Twigs - fancy, expensive couture


Cute, sporty clothing and accessories at A Stone's Throw


The most beautiful and original bridal clothes I've ever seen at Premiere Couture.




I noticed this gingko tree.


You can identify them by their odd-shaped leaves.


I love these trumpet vines






Across the street is a comic book store..


...and my favorite CD store...


..and Trader Joe's!


Monroe Street gets kind of busy during commuting hours, so these flags are for pedestrians to use to cross the street safely.


Next leg of my journey - down this side street (West Lawn)...


...and across a pedestrian bridge


...that goes over one of Madison's famous bike paths!


Next - walking down this street (notice the nice mailman on foot)..


..and crossing Regent Street.


The Froth House - I once got a $4 chai there. It was good, but I'm too cheap to go there more often.


The beautiful Chamberlain Street


I like this bumper sticker.


I also like to gawk at this house!


Pretty flowers...




I appreciate this cobblestone path. It looks whimsical to me.


Another political statement. Don't you just love Madison??


Someone's curbside vegetable garden.




I love viney plants!




I love roses, too. I always stop to smell this one.


I also like the crazy, bushy perennial gardens that I see everywhere.


And last but not least, Walnut Street.


This is the intersection of Walnut and Highland. I noticed this guy filming something, but didn't see anything interesting across the street.


My least favorite part of my walk is going under this bridge.


See, it's dark and every time a bus passes the sound echoes and sand sprays all over me. Ugh.


The USDA Malt and Barley Lab. Wisconsin is known for its beer, you know.


And last but not least, Gifford Pinchot Dr., the street to my workplace. (FYI - Gifford Pinchot was the first Chief of the Forest Service)


At the top of a slight incline looms the impressive form of the Forest Products Laboratory.

In high school I was the...

Arty Kid

Whether you were a drama freak or an emo poet, you definitely were expressive and unique. You're probably a little less weird these days - but even more talented!

Who Were You In High School?

Totally true. :)

Influential people in my life

Disclaimer: this post is long and wordy and I wouldn't be surprised if you don't want to read it. It's just that I'm hung over and feeling inspired to write. So.. if you choose to do so.. read on!

Sometimes, when I think about how I want to do something, I find myself thinking about people whom I admire and asking myself, "what would this person do?"

Allow me to give you some examples.

• My coworker Mike Wie: he is my adventure hero and my party hero. I have started using the phrase "pulling a Mike Wie" when I do things that I think he'd do in a similar situation. When I went to Chicago and took the wrong bus, I "pulled a Mike Wie" and decided to take the bus to the end of the line and get a view of South Chicago. I saw things that normal tourists wouldn't see and gained a little perspective. That is something Mike would do. Also, he throws great parties. He invites a good mix of people, he has good drinks, makes yummy appetizers, and makes sure no one goes hungry or thirsty. Now when I host a party I think about what Mike does and try to do the same.
• My coworker Janet - she is my house hero. Her house is awesome. Everywhere you look, there is something interesting and new to examine. She doesn't just decorate with "stuff," she decorates with meaningful items; souvenirs, gifts, vintage things. Also, when I was house sitting for her, I noticed she had a box of Kleenex in almost every room. I've always been a fan of just using toilet paper to blow my nose, but those Kleenex boxes made a difference and now I'm a convert.
  
• Sam G. and Sam Z. are my work heroes. They're both smart, motivated, and interested in their work. Being younger guys, they are not affected by cynicism and discrimination and treat others with respect. They are what I'd envision as ideal employees at my workplace.
• John Z. is my aging hero. The guy is 81, has been retired for 15 years, and still comes to work every day. He is still one of the leading scientists in his field and travels the world attending conferences and giving presentations. He pays close attention to his health but never passes up a treat. He hikes every weekend, 5-10 miles each trip, walks during his lunch hour, bowls, does step aerobics, and lifts weights. He is fluent in German and sings in a German choir. I hope when I am 81 I am as healthy, motivated, and accomplished as he.
• Jim W. is my quiet hero. I feel like I can tell him anything and it won't immediately be broadcasted to the world. I respect that.

That's all for today.

UW Hospital Cafeteria food

The food at the UW Hospital cafeteria used to be good, but lately I've noticed it's kind of nasty. I'll never forget the time I got the chicken teriyaki bowl. It looked good - brown rice, steamed chicken and veggies - until the lady dumped on the teriyaki sauce. A huge brown glob of thick, gelatinous, slimy, tasteless sauce. I tried dumping on a bunch of pepper but it still tasted bad. So I sought out some hot sauce and dumped that on the food, and that seemed to make it more palatable.

Last week I tried some cashew turkey (turkey?) stir fry. Again, the Asian food counter disappointed me. Thick, salty, gooey brown sauce, woody celery, and way too many cashews. Plus the rice wasn't sticky at all and I suspect it came from a can. However, I was in the mood for grease and was not failed in that respect. The turkey was hot and crispy and delightfully breaded and fried.

Yesterday I forgot my lunch, so I came back. I gave the "international" food counter a try. They say it's "international" and that they rotate the nation of choice every two weeks, but I've never seen anything but Mexican food there. Not that I'm complaining.. I happen to like Mexican food. I was craving lots of calories, so I got a chipotle chicken burrito with both cheese and sour cream, which is unusual for me. The chicken was cold and greasy. Little rivulets of orange oil ran down my wrist as I tried to consume the burrito. The cheese was really cold, too. Come to think of it, the only hot part of the whole burrito was the black beans. Again, disappointed.

Now I understand why so many people are in line for the salad bar.

Today's Lunch:
Leftover beef/pork curry with green beans, sweet potatoes, and corn
Basmati rice